August 2014 I tore pieces off of my heart and gave them to the girls I loved. And I left the pieces with them. Because I left. I cried. Gave up the dream of my life. But I kept them in my heart. I loved them to death. Still do. I prayed for them. Telling God that the only hope that I have is that, someday, when they grow up, and are at the end of their rope, they will remember Thursday church, and will seek someone to find the way home to the God they had learned about. I was at peace, because I knew that God was showing me a different path.
May 2017 My heart is bleeding, crying. Because God is calling me away from the land I have absolutely fallen in love with. I poured out all I had into every relationship God took me too. Life is almost unbearable because of the gut wrenching pain of leaving this beloved land while feeling the exhilarating excitement of seeing my family. I open my phone up, and see an audio message from dad. And I hit play. A very familiar voice says, Hi Janelle. It was not my dad. It goes on. It’s me, Jackeline Torres. You were my teacher in Thursday church… one night you said you were leaving, and that made me upset. I hope one day I see you soon… and that you will remember me.
My heart explodes. Into tears. Joy. Love. And remembering. My lil Jackie, whom I had loved and prayed for so much. My lil sweetie pie that my heart had ached over, because she, in tears one night, said that she doesn’t know where her dad is. And she never had.
I cry. And can’t stop. God tells me, Janelle, I’m sending you back there. For a reason.
In those words I rest my heart.